...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
