I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
