Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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