The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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