So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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