So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
