My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
