i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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