I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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