I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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