He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
