mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
