Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
