I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am midnight drunk by noon
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
