you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
