I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
