Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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