i would punch a child for taco bell
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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