Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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