I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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