kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
