The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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