found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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