Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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