if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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