I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
