I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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