I'm drive I can fine osifer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
