I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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