did you get engaged???
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
