My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
