if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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