She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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