I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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