Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
