Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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