I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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