so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
