My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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