My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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