It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
