We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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