why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
