just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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