Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
