Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
