she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
