She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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