Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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