So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize