Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
