I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everything about him screamed your future.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
