Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
