I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
