I'm drive I can fine osifer
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
