Pregnant stripper...not hot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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