so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We smell like vodka and hangover
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
