honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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