I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
