The maid of honor just puked.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
