he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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