I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
