a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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