We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's blow job season.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
