Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
