i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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