when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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